It's hard to write about your weaknesses and be open about your faults. But my full expose of sin is on display during any & all games of competition. Even silly games that do not matter a hill of beans-- I want to win. I want to beat everyone else, come in first, and win! My motto has always been- Second place is the first loser. That is so sad, really. I'm not sure why I get like this. It is as if some sort of alien takes over my thoughts and actions.
When I get anxious during competitive events, I find myself going on & on, talking & talking. I say the stupidest things. I talk about things that don't matter. I share too much personal information and the whole time am thinking, "Shut up, Leigh! Just stop talking!"
When I feel like someone is wrong or the rules aren't being followed, I get irate! I find myself arguing with people, demanding fairness & equality, and becoming angrier and angrier until my point is heard. For what? What is the result?
Usually I wind up mad at my family or they are mad at me, not to mention embarrassed, as well. All over a game. To detail my sin would shame me & make most blush. I do not act like a lady during these alien invasions, much less a Christian. When it's all said and done, the conviction and regret begins to seep in. By the next day, I'm full of apologies & remorse. The damage is done. I've not represented my God or myself with honor and I can't go back to change it. Yet time and time again I find myself falling down in this sinful behavior. Why? I wished I knew.
An old hymn comes to mind while the devil parties over my ridiculousness:
"Grace, Grace, God's Grace. Grace that will pardon and cleanse within.
Grace, Grace, God's Grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin." Thank you Lord. Please forgive me of my sin & give me strength for my next test.
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